Movies, Mayhem and Other News

This long weekend I saw two movies currently in theatres. First, Restrepo, a hard-hitting documentary about a squad of American soldiers in a remote corner of Afghanistan and second, Predators an action kill-a-thon about an elite unit of fighters battling aliens. Now what could these movies possibly have in common you say. The answer is more than you might think. I give you….Restrepo vs. Predators!

Location

Predators: A harsh and unforgiving planet deep in enemy territory.

Restrepo: A harsh and unforgiving valley deep in enemy territory.

Mission Status

Predators: Impossible.

Restrepo: Impossible.

The Protagonists

Predators: A squad of (mostly American) killers in a fight to the death.

Restrepo: A squad of American soldiers in a fight for “hearts and minds.”

The Antagonists

Predators: Well-armed aliens who know the lay of the land and can blend in seamlessly with the landscape.

Restrepo: Well-armed Afghans who know the lay of the land and can blend in seamlessly with the landscape.

The Hero

Predators: A good-looking guy in a uniform who yells a lot.

Restrepo: An average-looking guy in a uniform who yells a lot.

Scene Where Guy Shows Other Guy Pictures of His Kids Back Home

Predators: Affirmative.

Restrepo: Affirmative.

Sequel?

Predators: Yes, any movie that ends with the statement; “Well now we’ve got to _______!” is clearly a set up.

Restrepo: Yes, thousands of them.

In other news...

The morning after I move into my new apartment I'm taking down some recycling to the bins in front of the building where I have my first meeting with one of my new neighbours. She's got ratty blond hair, looks every one of her forty something odd years and is scribbling furiously on

the whiteboard in the front hall.

"Someone threw raccoon shit into my backyard! It wasn't there this morning and now there's raccoon shit everywhere. And it certainly came from above! I am SO tired, this is my day off this week. I've been working SO hard. This is really not the best way to meet me."

Her voice is shrill with a plaintive edge to it which immediately grates on my nerves.

"I swept my fire escape this morning. So that was probably me. I didn't realize...."

The backyard this woman/creature is referring to is a square of barren ground which is home to rusty rakes and broken pieces of plastic lawn furniture. Did I know I was sweeping s

hit off my fire escape? Yes. Did it look like anyone was going to to give a flying f*ck if I did? No! This woman also owns an unattractive and yappy small-dog, the kind that looks like an overgrown rat and whose tail lies erect along its back so that its asshole is giving a perpetual salute to the world.

"I can clean it up for you if you want."

"No, no, I already did. I've just had some really really strange neighbours here. This whole neighbourhood is terrible. Its a ghetto. A GHETTO! My dad wants to pay my rent so I can get out of here."

By this point in the conversation I have moved towards the front door and Creature Woman is standing by the gate to the small front yard. An overweight redheaded girl walks past us and checks her mail box.

"SEE!!! I don't even know who that is!" She shakes her head in disbelief.

Redhead is practically standing next to me so I do the polite thing and ask her how long she's lived in the building.

"Three months." Is her surly reply, though her surliness is in this case justified.

Now she begins to scribble furiously on the whiteboard, so

mething about their being no need for assumptions, and then stomps off upstairs.

"I don't think the neighbourhood is that bad really. I used to work in mental health so maybe I'm used to it or something."

"Well aren't you an OPTIMIST!!!" She spits it like an accusation, like 'how dare you not be a shriveled old prune like me, just you wait my pretty'.

Every morning and usually in the middle of the night as well Creature Woman's yappy lapdog brays up at my windows and her charming screech is not far behind, ironically

, yelling for silence.

But to end on a note of levity here's a Bollywood film set I stumbled upon. Check out the hair of the guy in the pink checkered hoodie, yes your eyes are not deceiving you, that is a twisting bleached multi-mohawk. Only a real "man" can rock a hairdo like that.

And a couple of shots of this fantastic antique/curio market which is held every weekend down the street. I spotted a delicious leather bag in good condition. "Twenty bucks." Being the horrible bargainer I grit my teeth and offer $10. "Double or nothing, let's flip for it. I win, you pay $30, you win, you pay $10." I toss,

he calls and I walk away with one hell of a bargain. Nice!