Mthr Fckng NEW YEAR

My first conscious memory of the year 2012 was waking up in a bleary state of mild disorientation in order to phone my restaurant for an on call brunch shift.

 "I think I'm still drunk!" I unabashedly declared to my manager over the phone.

 "It's a good thing we don't need you anyway."

 The next seven hours were a tortuous circuit between my bed, where I half-watched back episodes of reality cooking shows on the internet, and my bathroom, where I clutched the toilet tank in white-knuckled agony as I heaved water and bits of bile into the bowl.

 In a spot of luck I had thoroughly cleaned the bathroom the week before.

 However, this does not mitigate the fact that this is, by far, the absolute worst way to start a new year. Especially one that I hope will be a vast improvement over the one before. It's so typical; being a pukey, hungover mess on New Years Day. And in those moments between heaves, the toilet bowl still clutched between my thighs, I stared out my unwashed window at the adjacent rooftops and the immovable grey sky and I made a resolution: FUCK THIS!

 Fuck the regrets. Fuck the things left undone. Fuck the fear.

 I am a wonderfully talented procrastinator, I have trolled the internet for new, brain-nullifying ways to waste time (see: foodporndaily.com or peopleofwalmart.com or epicmealtime.com for example). And though this has made me fluent in the language of viral videos and funny or die skits, it has stymied my creativity.

 So again I say "FUCK THIS!"

 This year will be about DOING, not thinking about doing but DOING in the active, take-charge, kick-ass kind of way. And ok, it's the 4th already, but being a few days late is no reason to not attend the party, it starts today, it starts now, REBECCA IS GOING TO BE DOING THINGS!

 Such as? you may be asking. Such as, I reply, the gym, outdoor festivals, people's birthdays, the park, for a walk in the blinding snow, the things that make me feel ALIVE.

 And it starts now.

 The ipod is sort of charged and my gym membership won't renew itself.

 Here I go.